Yoga in Times of Trauma by Ayosea (Barbara Morse)

Published in the Winter 2001 Teacher's Newsletter of the Yoga Educational Society

Today (August 18) is my 40th wedding anniversary.  Today I scattered my husband's ashes in our garden.  He died of Leukemia just six weeks ago.

Why am I writing about my husband's death and my loss in the YES newsletter?  This is not about death and loss, this is about the wonderful strengthening and healing power of Yoga and how I came to a full awareness and awakening of the true meaning of Yoga, the union of mind, body, emotions and spirit.

Healing does not necessarily mean curing.  Yoga is not a magical potion for curing the sick and injured, although it can be used effectively to those ends.  What I uncovered in my search for peace, comfort, strength and control during a time of trauma is that there is a "u" in Yoga (Youga?).  By identifying with that "you-ness" and applying the principles of yoga, you can emerge a new and enlightened being.

Richard fought a valiant battle with Leukemia, and I was his most devoted general...Yoga was my shield and my sword.  I think of this every time I take the Warrior pose!

We did Prana breathing together and I combed his aura daily, working to keep his Chakras open and functioning.  We brought in Chi energy, we chanted and meditated.  Richard was in a Mexican Holistic Health Hospital when Leukemia struck its final and fatal blow and he went into the "blast" stage.  It took a tremendous amount of resourcefulness, clarity and trust to make al the arrangements to bring him back to the States (in a Mexican ambulance) where he was able to complete his journey surrounded by family and friends.  He died under Hospice care three days after we brought him home.

Yoga kept me in balance...and I practiced Yoga asanas and meditation in the hospital room, sometimes joined by others, sometimes alone.  I remained focused and was determined to experience every part of this life process fully and with integrity.  We surrounded Richard with light and positive energy.  We were gratified to see him release, relax and accept the inevitability of his passage.  He struggled, he roared like the Leo that he was until he could find that peaceful place and disengage.  I think of this when we do Simhasana.  His soul departed in a single tear.

We carry many illusions with us.  Wisdom and Truth can be reached only through the shattering of those illusions, the shattering of innocence.  Wisdom and Truth evolved as we work to balance and harmonize our bodies, minds and spirits.  Each time we stretch beyond what we believe are our limits, each time we hold a posture/asana beyond the point of discomfort, we shatter an illusion.  I shattered illusions about myself and my fears of death, loss, abandonment.  I have been an emotional, flighty, reactive person.  Yoga changed all that, and I found untapped inner resources.  I found my peaceful inner place, a place of exquisite beauty and serenity.  I remained in balance and harmony, in unity with my self, this world and the spirit world.  Many people have commented on how I have handled this trauma.  Supportive, loving family, friends and students helped immensely.

I returned to teach my Palomar Community Education Yoga classes four days after Richard died.  I found such bliss and comfort and energy in the teaching and in the response of my students. One class arrived early, full attendance and stood up to greet me, applauding!  I have also been told I am a model for others who have yet to experience loss and the "shattering of illusion/innocence" and similar trauma.  I hope so.

I hope through the teaching of Yoga I will "spread the word" and share the wonder of my metamorphosis.  All that I have professed and expounded has manifested.  The practice of Yoga can change us.  With every deep breath we take, we move that Chi energy through our bodies, align our Chakras and open ourselves to the wonder of life and whatever will follow.

Since this was written before September 11, I add a note here.  This philosophy, belief and practice has proven essential to the inner balance and awareness for us all in the aftermath of that universal tragedy and resulting trauma from that day of shattered illusions for our country.